Album Review: Crazy & The Brains - Let Me Go

This album came out back in May, but I have yet to review it because I'm an ass. This is the first full length release from Crazy & The Brains, a band I know very well. The music is infectious. It is a pioneering form of "party punk", and at times, the songwriting is downright genius.  It was released on vinyl, cassette, and digital download through Baldy Longhair Records. So let me just get right into it.

Virtually every review that has been written about this album until now talks about how fun this record is. People have invariably called it weird and wacky. But the prevailing consensus is that Let Me Go is a whole lot of fun. They are not wrong in their summations. But I'm going to take this from a different angle.

Let Me Go has a real undercurrent of sadness and struggle. If you scratch the surface of each track, if you look past the jovial jangling of the xylophone (it's actually a marimba and glockenspiel) you will see what I mean. This album tells the story of the uncertainty and difficulty of being a male in your 20's, trying to carve out your place in the world. Just look closely at the content. "King Kong" is about seeking epic retribution for a vicious assault. The title track, "Let Me Go", details the aftermath of a bad break up. The song itself sounds triumphant but the subject matter is still a kick in the dick. "Mexico" talks about the absolute pain of seeing one's love move very far away. It also features a verse from Adam Green of the Moldy Peaches. "Box Room" is about a close friend who has withdrawn from society. "Interlude" conveys a frantic state of mental anguish, and it's composition is sort of operatic. "It's Alright" describes being bored to fucking tears, which is a pretty horrible thing to be. You should even consider the album cover and title; the two work perfectly together. The picture is of a baby reaching out (it's a baby pic of the bassist). It suggests a "letting go" of everything: youth, love, hate, anger, control. Sometimes it's all you can do.

As I've said, I'm friends with all of the guys in this band. I grew up with the singer. So this album has encapsulated the past 5 years for our circle of friends. The singer of this band is like the bard for our whole crew. We're pretty fortunate in that regard. But that is of no use to you. What's important for you is that this record is incredible. I guarantee you have heard nothing like it. It's strange music by strange guys from a strange land. So pick this up, crack a 40 oz. of Olde English, and everything will be alright.

http://baldylonghair.com/

http://crazyandthebrains.com/

Diana Nyad Just Owned Us

Recently, a woman named Diana Nyad swam from Cuba to Key West, Florida. She did this by herself, without a shark tank, and while being flat-out 64 years old. It is a distance of about 103 miles and it took her roughly 53 hours to complete. Thanks a lot, Diana. 

Diana Nyad is closing in on her Golden Years and she just made a fool out of all of us. From the average runner in the park to professional athletes, we are all now lazy slobs. Just today, I decided to not cook myself eggs; simply because I didn't want to wash the pan afterwards. For Christ's sake, look at the footage of when she approached the shore. The scores of people who had gathered on the beach all began running towards the water to receive her with shouts of praise. Many people were out of breath from that short, silly jog. She swam 103 miles and I get annoyed at the thought of driving a car over such a distance (which is comparable to driving from NYC to Philly). Diana is mocking us. 

More importantly, can you imagine doing ANYTHING for 53 hours straight? Nothing sounds appealing for that long, not even things that are really fucking cool. It's a challenge in and of itself to merely stay conscious for 53 hours. I remember this one time in college that I stayed awake for maaaybe 40 consecutive hours. I was convinced that I had developed Down Syndrome and the damage was irreversible. I don't even like reflecting on those nights that I had a long paper to turn in the next morning. They were grueling, all night battles from hell. When faced with a seemingly insurmountable pile of schoolwork, I would undergo a very strange phenomenon. An eerie chill would envelope my body and I would take hundreds of 3 minute naps until the paper was somehow complete. Seriously, the cold feeling typically lasted for hours. So I did shit like that, and this old geezer swam the whole bloody sea. Great.

There are loads among us who will undoubtedly draw inspiration from this woman and her incredible feat. They will try, in less extreme fashion, to adopt her mantra of never, ever giving up. And that's fine. But I view this achievement in a different light: Diana Nyad has made me a little embarrassed at the large swaths of nothing that I have achieved...Enough of this crap, I'm tired. 

The Ultimate Guide to Curing a Hangover

Now we all have had nights in which we had a few too many. Some have more of these nights than others, but most know what I'm taking about. It seems like a good idea at the time, but you wake up the next day feeling like pure hell. Well after years of "research" I have developed a system that cures the hangover. Follow the simple 10 steps below to a hastened road of recovery.

1. Rehydrate. Obviously, you will wake up quite dehydrated. Drink a ton of water or Gatorade, which is even better. Take some aspirin if you need to.

2. Brush yo damn teeth. Your mouth stinks, and you definitely don't want to taste that garbage any longer.

3. Eat. You need to eat a substantial meal. This is important. Preferably something greasy and containing bread. You need the bread to soak any residual fluids in your body.

4. Drink caffeine. You may have slept a good 8 hours or so, but drunk sleep is not proper sleep. Drink some tea or coffee to wake yourself up.

5. Exercise. I know this sounds ridiculous. But if you can find the energy, exercise is key. You need to break a sweat in order to flush your system. If you can't, its understandable, so move on to step 6.

6. Shower. Take a lengthy, hot, steamy, shower. The hotter and steamier the better. No, I'm not being vulgar. I'm being serious. What happens during a hangover is that you body is struggling to expel all the toxins left in your body from your last drinking session. A steamy shower causes you to perspire, thus quickening the process of cleansing your system. If you have access to a sauna that is even better.

7. Stop thinking about it. Stop. Do things.

8. Take a nap. If you find yourself still in a bad way, then go to sleep for a little while. This will help.

9. Rockbottom. Just start drinking again. You will quickly pass from being hungover to just being drunk again. The downside is that you become useless to anyone and you essentially throw the day away.

10. Take it easy. If none of these steps work...then clearly you had one hell of a night. Double check with your friends to make sure that you didn't do anything stupid. This has nothing to do with the physical hangover but it will bring some closure.

*Obviously, I have developed these steps in a very scientific manner using consenting test subjects.

Nudists Go Home

A couple of weeks back I took a trip to the beach when we had some visitors from Iceland. The plan was to go to Sandy Hook, as it is a predominantly familial spot and not subject to the horrible trash that exists at some other shore locations. What ensued was pretty awkward.

After a lot of driving and excruciating traffic we arrived at Sandy Hook. And after even more driving we got to the north shore where Gunnison Beach is located. We hauled our stuff from the parking lot and I found a sign that read: "From this point on you may encounter nude beach goers." I turned to my Father and asked, "What the hell is this?" He answered, "They're just saying that to be safe. The nudists are probably at some small section. We won't see anyone."

We walk onto the beach and set up camp, and what's the first thing that I see in the not-so-far distance? Various ass cracks. There were nudists abound on the other side. The only boundary between the nudist and clothed sections was the lifeguard chair and maybe 20 yards of space. I was immediately annoyed. The worst part was that we brought visitors there. We apologized for our ignorance. No one wants to see this nonsense. Nudists are weirdos, simply put. Most of them are middle aged people who think, "We're just being natural, bro." No. I naturally don't want to see your stuff on the beach, be it man or woman. Many nudists may be very nice or appear to be quite normal people. But picture this. Imagine if you found out that Jim, the nice everyday guy from the finance department at work was a nudist. Wouldn't that change your perception of him? Then you would be keen to his oddball tendencies and would avoid going to the beach with him even more than you previously did.

I am no Puritan, however. I will deal with public showers if I have to. I even used to be a wrestler, where occasional naked weigh-ins were customary if you were struggling just to make a specific weight class for a competition. But there is a time and place for everything. And if you want to be straight up nude, then gather up your weirdo friends, and just go home. Or go to some remote woods, preferably in Montana or something.

Get Tattooed at Fun City

When it is time to get a new tattoo, it is like an itch that will not go away. That is, until you get said tattoo. This time came for me recently so I took myself to Fun City Tattoos on Saint Mark's Place in New York City. Saint Mark's Place is home to a number of tattoo shops but Fun City is the only one worth even stepping inside. "Fun City" actually sounds like it is a terrible outfit. It sounds barely legal and like it is operated by fat ex-cons and hookers. But it is quite the opposite, I promise. They are not a cheap shop but they are certainly fairly priced. Plus, how much is too much when you are receiving excellent work? I could easily have gone down to some dog shit tattoo shop in Tom's River and gotten sub par work for less money. I did not do that because when it comes to tattooing, it is infinitely important to pay a little extra and ensure quality.

I am a big fan of Sailor Jerry's flash and this time I chose his old school four leaf clover and wishbone piece. It is a vintage design but no one can duplicate his style. The clover and wishbone intersect with bold lines and colors that really pop. This is my third Sailor Jerry tattoo. I chose this because they are images that represent good luck and I could use a bit of that in my life right now. I saw this particular flash at the Sailor Jerry event at the Tribecca Film Center and knew it was for me. It is a simple piece but sometimes the simplest things are the most poignant. Brad Stevens at Fun City executed the work and did a damn fine job. He his a man of few words but he can tattoo like a bloodhound. So far at the shop I have been tattooed by him and Steve Von Riepen. I can personally recommend those two gents but really anyone at Fun City and its sister shop, Dare Devil, would be worthy of your business. They are all great. It is at places like this where people truly understand tattooing as an art form. So head down to Fun City and say hi to Brad, the comical Von Riepen, and the hot punk rock receptionist girl.

I mentioned the theme of good luck and there was one funny side note from my experience that relates to this topic. After I got tattooed I was hungry as hell so I went to the new Qdoba on 6th avenue near the PATH. Apparently at this Qdoba they opened some kind of lounge upstairs and it was closed for a private event. Who holds private parties at Qdoba anyway?...Who am I kidding? If I was invited I would definitely have gone. Anyway, as I sat there eating my lonely-ass quesadilla a little kid comes downstairs. He seeks my attention and says something. I lower my headphones and say, "Huh?". He asks, "How is your job?". I shoot him a puzzled look, laugh, and reply, "Umm its alright". He then fires back upstairs. Now I can view this weird encounter one of two ways. Either it was a good sign of things to come, OR it was God having a bit of a laugh at my expense. I guess its funnier to think of it the second way.

http://funcitytattoo.com/

Beer Review: La Fin du Monde

Beer is unreal. One of the world's oldest beverages, beer has sustained man for thousands of years. Everybody from the ancient Egyptians to the mumbling bum in the alleyway has given in to the allure of this drink. The great Homer Simpson once stated that alcohol is the cause of and solution to all of life's problems. Beer is probably man's favorite thing, second only to women. So for these reasons I decided to share with you a top quality brew: La Fin du Monde.

La Fin du Monde is produced by Unibroue and is just about the best thing to come out of French Canada. The name is French for "The End of the World" and that alone should make you want to consume it. The French Canadians really know how to make excellent beer. I think its due to the cold climate. Anyway, La Fin du Monde is described as a triple fermented golden ale. Whether those words mean anything to you or not, just suffice it to say that it tastes amazing. It is a strong ale too with a 9% alcohol by volume. It goes down smooth with a spicy and robust flavor. It hails from Canada but is quite Belgian in its nature. Simply put, this will get you messed up. But a happy kind of messed up. The Unibroue website suggests serving it with gourmet dishes, fine cheeses, and desserts. But my serving suggestion is to enjoy whenever you damn please and in vast quantities.

I have been enjoying this beer for a while now. But today me and my brother were in the liquor store and stumbled upon a type of gift pack. It included two big cork topped 750 ML bottles of La Fin du Monde and two Belgian ale style beer glasses complete with Unibroue insignia. It was only $21. The choice was crystal clear. GET IT. But you will not find this product in your ghetto neighborhood liquor store. If you ask for this in say, Manny's Liquors in Bayonne, they will probably look at you as if you just farted loudly. La Fin du Monde can only be found in liquor stores that know what time it is. Obviously it is a bit pricier than your average domestic, but if you would like to relax with some excellent brew then it is worth the extra money.

As I sit in my insanely green room sipping my drink and listening to Bankrobber by The Clash,
my mind is taken to a different place. A place where I am standing at the edge of the world and the hardships of daily life are non existent. This beer is inspirational like that. For instance, refer to the photograph in the header of this page. The photo is part of a famous series entitled La Jument by French photographer Jean Guichard. In the picture there is a man trapped in a lighthouse during a ferocious storm. A giant wave is about to engulf him but he seems indifferent as he leisurely stands there with his hand in his pocket. That's because he was definitely blasted on La Fin du Monde. He survived by the way. So if The End of the World is imminent, after about 6 bottles of this stuff, I suspect you won't care all that much. You may even survive.


Plus, this guy drinks it----->





http://www.unibroue.com/products/fin.cfm

Movie Review: The Foot Fist Way

"How many slices have you had, Julio?
How 'bout you've had enough."

Quotes like this one and others mark the excellent dry humor that is found in "The Foot Fist Way". This 2006 low budget comedy is presented by Will Ferrell and Adam McKay. You have probably seen their collaborations before in sketches such as "The Landlord." "The Foot Fist Way" is directed by Jody Hill and features the breakout performance of Danny McBride (Eastbound and Down, Tropic Thunder, Pineapple Express, etc).

The plot follows Fred Simmons (McBride), a self-obsessed Taekwondo instructor and his exploits in his North Carolina dojo. He considers himself to be the "Master of the Demo" but is continuously disrespected by his unfaithful wife. Simmons is quite pathetic and not particularly good at his craft. His right hand man is a short fat kid named Julio and their interactions alone are pretty funny. The film tracks Simmons as he meets his martial arts idol, Chuck "The Truck" Wallace, and his efforts to re-gain his self confidence.

"The Foot Fist Way" has all the makings of a cult classic. It's style is in the same vein as "Napoleon Dynamite", but much better. It did not reach a level of mass scale distribution but I feel that if it did there would be many followers. There are a number of hilarious scenes in this film. My favorite though is Simmons' lambasting of a potential client. An obese man enters his office to inquire about enrolling in his class. Simmons gives him his spiel, but the man concludes that it is too expensive. After the price is dropped the man still refuses to join. Fred Simmons goes on to tell the obese man that he entered the dojo with no intention of joining. In this tirade he insults the man's weight and his manhood; all explained with a smug smirk on his face. Some other quality moments include his assault on children, his failed pass at a female student, and his speech to his wife in which he states his wish for her hair to turn to dog shit.

My point in reviewing this film is twofold. For one, I feel that it is a sleeper in the comedy genre and more people need to be up on this. Secondly, as I have explained before, I don't have much else to do. One reason that I like "The Foot Fist Way" is that it is straight funny from start to finish. The nonsense to does not take a backseat to a sappy love story or some other background crap (i.e. Wedding Crashers). That is the type of comedy that I would direct, only mine would be much funnier. So if you see this title, pick it up. In the very least you will be able to extract some hilarious quotes.