Sunday, May 2, 2010

The Ultimate Guide to Curing a Hangover


Now we all have had nights in which we had a few too many. Some have more of these nights than others, but most know what I'm taking about. It seems like a good idea at the time, but you wake up the next day feeling like pure hell. Well after years of "research" I have developed a system that cures the hangover. Follow the simple 10 steps below to a hastened road of recovery.

1. Rehydrate. Obviously, you will wake up quite dehydrated. Drink a ton of water or Gatorade, which is even better. Take some aspirin if you need to.

2. Brush yo damn teeth. Your mouth stinks, and you definitely don't want to taste that garbage any longer.

3. Eat. You need to eat a substantial meal. This is important. Preferably something greasy and containing bread. You need the bread to soak any residual fluids in your body.

4. Drink caffeine. You may have slept a good 8 hours or so, but drunk sleep is not proper sleep. Drink some tea or coffee to wake yourself up.

5. Exercise. I know this sounds ridiculous. But if you can find the energy, exercise is key. You need to break a sweat in order to flush your system. If you can't, its understandable, so move on to step 6.

6. Shower.
Take a lengthy, hot, steamy, shower. The hotter and steamier the better. No, I'm not being vulgar. I'm being serious. What happens during a hangover is that you body is struggling to expel all the toxins left in your body from your last drinking session. A steamy shower causes you to perspire, thus quickening the process of cleansing your system. If you have access to a sauna that is even better.

7. Stop thinking about it. Stop. Do things.

8. Take a nap. If you find yourself still in a bad way, then go to sleep for a little while. This will help.

9. Rockbottom.
Just start drinking again. You will quickly pass from being hungover to just being drunk again. The downside is that you become useless to anyone and you essentially throw the day away.

10. Take it easy. If none of these steps work...then clearly you had one hell of a night. Double check with your friends to make sure that you didn't do anything stupid. This has nothing to do with the physical hangover but it will bring some closure.

*Obviously, I have developed these steps in a very scientific manner using consenting test subjects.