Nudists Go Home

A couple of weeks back I took a trip to the beach when we had some visitors from Iceland. The plan was to go to Sandy Hook, as it is a predominantly familial spot and not subject to the horrible trash that exists at some other shore locations. What ensued was pretty awkward.

After a lot of driving and excruciating traffic we arrived at Sandy Hook. And after even more driving we got to the north shore where Gunnison Beach is located. We hauled our stuff from the parking lot and I found a sign that read: "From this point on you may encounter nude beach goers." I turned to my Father and asked, "What the hell is this?" He answered, "They're just saying that to be safe. The nudists are probably at some small section. We won't see anyone."

We walk onto the beach and set up camp, and what's the first thing that I see in the not-so-far distance? Various ass cracks. There were nudists abound on the other side. The only boundary between the nudist and clothed sections was the lifeguard chair and maybe 20 yards of space. I was immediately annoyed. The worst part was that we brought visitors there. We apologized for our ignorance. No one wants to see this nonsense. Nudists are weirdos, simply put. Most of them are middle aged people who think, "We're just being natural, bro." No. I naturally don't want to see your stuff on the beach, be it man or woman. Many nudists may be very nice or appear to be quite normal people. But picture this. Imagine if you found out that Jim, the nice everyday guy from the finance department at work was a nudist. Wouldn't that change your perception of him? Then you would be keen to his oddball tendencies and would avoid going to the beach with him even more than you previously did.

I am no Puritan, however. I will deal with public showers if I have to. I even used to be a wrestler, where occasional naked weigh-ins were customary if you were struggling just to make a specific weight class for a competition. But there is a time and place for everything. And if you want to be straight up nude, then gather up your weirdo friends, and just go home. Or go to some remote woods, preferably in Montana or something.