Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Diana Nyad Just Owned Us

Recently, a woman named Diana Nyad swam from Cuba to Key West, Florida. She did this by herself, without a shark tank, and while being flat-out 64 years old. It is a distance of about 103 miles and it took her roughly 53 hours to complete. Thanks a lot, Diana. 

Diana Nyad is closing in on her Golden Years and she just made a fool out of all of us. From the average runner in the park to professional athletes, we are all now lazy slobs. Just today, I decided to not cook myself eggs; simply because I didn't want to wash the pan afterwards. For Christ's sake, look at the footage of when she approached the shore. The scores of people who had gathered on the beach all began running towards the water to receive her with shouts of praise. Many people were out of breath from that short, silly jog. She swam 103 miles and I get annoyed at the thought of driving a car over such a distance (which is comparable to driving from NYC to Philly). Diana is mocking us. 

More importantly, can you imagine doing ANYTHING for 53 hours straight? Nothing sounds appealing for that long, not even things that are really fucking cool. It's a challenge in and of itself to merely stay conscious for 53 hours. I remember this one time in college that I stayed awake for maaaybe 40 consecutive hours. I was convinced that I had developed Down Syndrome and the damage was irreversible. I don't even like reflecting on those nights that I had a long paper to turn in the next morning. They were grueling, all night battles from hell. When faced with a seemingly insurmountable pile of schoolwork, I would undergo a very strange phenomenon. An eerie chill would envelope my body and I would take hundreds of 3 minute naps until the paper was somehow complete. Seriously, the cold feeling typically lasted for hours. So I did shit like that, and this old geezer swam the whole bloody sea. Great.

There are loads among us who will undoubtedly draw inspiration from this woman and her incredible feat. They will try, in less extreme fashion, to adopt her mantra of never, ever giving up. And that's fine. But I view this achievement in a different light: Diana Nyad has made me a little embarrassed at the large swaths of nothing that I have achieved...Enough of this crap, I'm tired. 

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